Lean Back

Well this is totally fucked up isn’t it? 

Having been in self isolation for 12 days, for what may or may not be Covid-19, I can happily say I’ve run the entire gambit of emotions. 

I feel completely gutted that I missed the birth of my lovely client but she had an amazing birth and managed to stay home so she’s incredibly happy. 

Everything I had planned for this year – including arrangements for my 40th and all the work I was doing – has been cancelled which is totally pants.

And yet worrying about this stuff feels completely irrelevant in the current climate and then I feel guilty for missing all the frivolous things that I can’t do!

I’ve stressed about the global situation and worried about family and friends. I’ve cleaned frantically and dug the garden and helped kids with homework and baked enough baked goods to feed a small army – or apparently just my 3 children. 

I’ve gorged on social media and The Guardian rolling blog – and then abandoned it all as I’ve found that leaning back is what is helping me find my new balance. 

I’m not talking about burying my head in the sand and hiding – although that feels like a pretty good idea sometimes. I’m talking about not leaning into the turmoil and the chaos that the pandemic has created. 

As a doula I feel bereft that I can’t physically be there supporting people giving birth but I know that being a doula doesn’t change simply because I can’t physically be in the same room as the people I support. 

Doulas are fucking fabulous in a crisis! Trust me I’ve seen enough in the birth room to know I’m calm and clear headed when I need to be. And now I need to be…

I am still here – I am still a mother and a doula. 

My children need some level of normality and don’t need to see the inner turmoil their parents are experiencing. 

And I am still providing emotional support, signposting to relevant and up to date information, and helping birth partners to hold space in the birthing room. And answering questions – so many questions!

Tooling people up for what is now a rapidly changing situation in maternity care is the most important thing I feel doulas can do at this time. 

As soon as testing is made available to the general public I’ll be back providing physical support but until then I’m leaning back. 

I’m here if you need me but I’m not about join in with the hysteria sharing every terrifying detail of what is going on in the big wide world and I’m not going to get all up in your face about the situation that we are collectively facing. 

I continue to be at the end of the phone and contactable via my website and email and DM. Ever at your service xxx

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